Sunscreen Song Parody
Ξ November 27th, 2008 | → 0 Comments | ∇ Creative |
Ok well I found this thanks to Myke sending me a link on web archive to my old site. It’s a parody of the Sunscreen song… why I wrote this I do not know. Here’s the original if you’ve forgotten.
I think I wrote this around the Millennium… and yes, I’ve always been a geek.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of a Mac. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of a Mac until they’ve faded. But trust me in 20 years, you’ll look back at photos of them and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous they really looked. Your bandwidth is not as fat as you imagine.
Don’t worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve a programming problem by smoking a joint. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.
Look at one website everyday that scares you.
Ping.
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hard drives. Don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Format.
Don’t waste your time on AOL. It was a stupid idea, and it’s never going to work in the long run. Its death will be long and, in the end, it’s only going to be cable.
Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you can’t, I have some good DOSS software you can use.
Keep your old love emails. Hack in and destroy your old bank statements.
Scan.
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t how to program. The most interesting people I know have never even seen a computer and probably never will. Most of these people though live in special homes and wear hug me jackets.
Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your figures. You’ll miss them when you can’t type.
Maybe you’ll code, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll have a dotcom upstart, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll go public and make $100 million in four months, maybe you’ll go to jail for fraud when you 22. Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much; get others to do it for you. Your choices are Linux. So should everybody else’s be too.
Enjoy your Palm Pilot. Wear it on your belt. Don’t be afraid to use Palm OS. A PDA is the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your own living room with you PS and Dance-Dance Revolution
Do not read Photoshop magazines they will only make you feel stupid.
Get to know your parents. You never know what they’ll be good for later. Be nice to your siblings. They might start up a company that needs to pay an IT person disgusting amounts of money.
Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should web conference with. Email them to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before you make any software.
Surf.
Accept certain inalienable truths: Memory prices will drop. Microsoft will fuck everyone. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you’ll get pumped full of shark hormones and have your brain transplanted into a cloned body.
Keep an old Dos machine.
Don’t expect anyone to support you. Maybe you have a venture capitalist. Maybe you’ll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know if they’ll run off together.
Don’t mess too much with your Windows partition, or you’ll have to reinstall the god damn thing every month.
Be careful whose software you buy, but be patient with open source. Software is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than its worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen