Ugly Puffer Fish

What the hell is Audible Silence?

Ξ July 30th, 2009 | → 0 Comments | ∇ Rant |

This is the alarm console in our office building. What the hell is audible silence?

Water Juice Box… Seriously

Ξ December 19th, 2008 | → 2 Comments | ∇ Rant |

Right there with the actual Juice

Water Juice-Box

Paperless

Ξ November 19th, 2008 | → 1 Comments | ∇ Rant |

This is progressive’s idea of going paperless. These were all in the same envelope, as little notes for you to write down your account number on the back when you decide to use the interweb as your billing tool. There was of course a ton of other literature, but I felt the purity of the irony of these as a collection was simply too priceless to distort.

Barstool Economics Nonsense

Ξ October 22nd, 2008 | → 1 Comments | ∇ Politics, Rant |

I got that idiotic “Barstool Economics” email today from my boss. My grandmother sent it to me a few days ago. I won’t go into what it says because you can find a million fucking copies on the interweb that will tell you how great a picture of our economic system is. My response to the email was as follows… it got a little off subject toward the end.

First off, check your sources,

• Summary of the eRumor
  • This is an attempt to use a story to try to explain the complexity of taxes and tax cuts.

• The Truth
  • The biggest question about this eRumor is not so much whether it’s an accurate picture of taxation as to who actually wrote it.

Got this of a rumors site:
The most recent version that has circulated on the Internet attributes it to David R. Kamerschen, a professor of Economics at the University of Georgia.
On his website, however, he denies that he wrote it and says he doesn’t know who did.
How his name got attached to it, he does not know.

Different version says it was written by another university professor, T. Davies of the University of South Dakota.
He too denies that he wrote it.

So its origins is still a mystery

Secondly, I could counter how childish and small minded this analogy is by writing a funny retelling of it, but why bother, lots of people have done the same thing already: some great ones collected here and here

Finally, saying things like “you’re a socialist” is not only silly, but not particularly well thought out. I am a socialist, and not offended by it – it’s not “un-american” or whatever other nonsense Fox tells you it is: America is a socialist country already. We have socialized infrastructure (roads, rails, ports, highways), city services like police, fire, medical rescue, we have socialized education (not great but better than not even being able to read) socialized military (a massive, juggernaut of a socialized system), socialized democratic process with elections, some socialized television, radio and communications, socialized healthcare in the forms of medicare and medicaid and protection care and socialized insurance systems for insurance companies, banks and now the freaking housing market, loan companies and anyone who plays golf with old W.

The only thing that is NOT socialized is higher education (which it kind of is) and health insurance for the middle class. I mean, name ONE thing that is not socialized that these “socialists” are screaming to take over. Fuck the post office, I don’t care, I want to know that when my friend gets hit by a bus, someone can pay for him to live, ’cause he sure as hell can’t afford health insurance.

The only thing that people think is un-American is, in reality, secularism. We don’t wan’ ‘em fags marryin’, it’ll desiccate married folk – we need our guns incase the government rises against us – muslims is evil an’ god loves football and hot dogs and apple pie and bombing brown people. (Yes, clinging to there guns and religion is right.)

I am getting sick and tired of being called un-American by right wing nutcase christian family members (who were born in places like Zimbabwe and haven’t even been US citizens as long as I have – fucking retarded) simply because I God is a fairy tale and I wish George W. Bush was.

Religulous vs Fireproof

Ξ October 22nd, 2008 | → 0 Comments | ∇ Rant |

Does anyone else find this as funny as I do? Religulous vs Fireproof? Someone please felch Kirk Cameron.

Is this really the ecological way to store gas?

Ξ October 7th, 2008 | → 0 Comments | ∇ Rant, Tampa |

Does Marathon really think that painting a dolphin on the side of one of their giant petroleum storage tanks, which stink up half of South Tampa, makes them look like good guys? I know that the gas companies have a bad rap, deservedly so, but are they so out of touch that they think that this will fool anyone? And if it is some attempt at beautifying the area, or at least making the best out of a bad situation – trying to make the tanks look a little less terrible for the people who live down there – then it’s a pretty poor fucking attempt. They painted only one!  Is that lazy? Stupid, disrespectful and evil more likely.

Screw the Handicapped

Ξ July 25th, 2008 | → 0 Comments | ∇ Rant |

I don’t know if everyone else will find this as strange as I do, but this picture was taken on the first floor of a three floor building. Now I am not the world’s leading advocate of handicapped rights, but I don’t park in handicapped spaces and don’t throw people out of their wheelchairs when I arrest them. However, I’ve got to say that putting the wheelchair accessible bathroom on the top floor does seem to be a bit of a sick joke… Even for this place with it’s shitty cafeteria and leaking water feature.

A side note on the service on the cafeteria, when I pay for my daily sandwich or diet mountain dew, I use, like everyone under the age of 30, a debit card. This card is placed in the greasy proprietors hand and he (as is the custom) swipes my card though a machine of dubious security. He then places my card on the cash register until the transaction is confirmed. In other words, I have to stand there with my wallet open until he gives my card back. Why? Do I look like I’m going to run off and the card is going to come back as overdrawn? Does my suit scream criminal or lowlife? I mean, I have to sign the damn receipt anyway, so I have to wait for that. I don’t understand. I guess I’ve never had a real job – meaning one with cash register – so I wouldn’t understand. But one day, I’m going to nicely rake my card and receipt back from the gentleman, snap the card in two in front of his face and slit his throat with the jagged edge of my broken card and the snapped side of my psyche.

Testing Blogging from My eye-Telephone

Ξ July 24th, 2008 | → 0 Comments | ∇ Rant, Tetraodontidae |

Yup, a new dawn has arisen. I’m not sure if that’s the right expression, but hey. This is being pecked out on my beautiful little touch screen, curtsey of Apple, Inc., At&t and my credit card. The age of blogging while sitting on the office toilet is finally here, the time where nerds will simply run over you in the corridor as they tell the world about how much they hate their office’s new shag carpeting, and the era of broken noses in glass doors and walls will at last be the fault of personal expression and not short skirts.

Thank you Mr. Jobs, you have taken the last waking moment of my day not spent in front of a screen and replaced it with one that will hurt both my eyes and my fingers.